


Every night falls, and I fall with them.

by dragwn



Category: Given (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, M/M, akiuge, drawgn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-12
Updated: 2019-12-12
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:15:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21762817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragwn/pseuds/dragwn
Summary: 時間をむさぼり食います。Nothing of his would remain, and nights will fall with me crying all over, and I will remain alone in bed every night, and the sheets remain cold, and I will still smoke every night and miss Akihiko every time.| akihiko + ugetsu.
Relationships: Kaji Akihiko/Murata Ugetsu
Kudos: 9





	Every night falls, and I fall with them.

**Author's Note:**

> english isnt my first lenguage.

_**A**_ kihiko has always been an extremely sentimental person, and one of the things I most admire about him is that, perhaps even because he is the same quality he admires most about me. He has always been extremely expressive, and nothing has destroyed me more than you can read it as well. He never really needs to say anything, even _if I need him to say it._

  
Akihiko is a musician, and there is something in which he is expressed, it is through music, and only there he says so much, things that are not even necessary. And somehow it is in this cycle that he says a lot of things, and that's how he said he was dating another one.

  
He didn't say it in words, but with the eyes of a thousand he only found the same thing every time he looked at Haruki.  
While I would rather have died than presided over something, this small fact of being with another, he seemed the same as another, was enough to make me happy, allowed happy, in stark contrast to how much this is possible.

I smile.  


I smile and sigh.

Fuck, this shit hurts, and it hurts in a way that hasn't existed in ages.

Akihiko was moving on, and it turned out to be a current condition where we are inert: a self-destructive cycle of quarrels and breakdowns and codependency. I mean, who in a healthy relationship still lives with an ex-boyfriend and maintains relationships with him? I think we never really experienced the toxicity of still feeling something.  
I come home and every face reminds me of yours, every corner of the house is still ours. If everything is so ours, why am I not?

There is that animation you wanted before bed, where I always ended before ending a single episode, and the protagonist holds a meeting of anonymous alcoholics, and says something related to that remembered house of who he was before, and he looks no further, but _the house is still the same,_ and _the city is still the same,_ and he wonders how he can change everything that remains. These things make a lot of sense when some random factor influences our lives, and then everything becomes more common and deplorable. And if it was still our house, everything was still the same, how can I change?

I think there are unchanging things. Or at least not susceptible to change the way we expect it to happen.

Imagine if I never come back, honestly, I thought about it countless times, but I still don't feel susceptible to accept it as a possibility. Akihiko has been gone so many times and her things remain here every time. I can't stand this problem, but I still wanted this suffering to end once.

Akihiko has become something too important to consider no longer here with me. I think all your things can disappear here at home, type in, wake up and the sheets are still cold, his battery is no longer in the bedroom, he is not in the kitchen making that coffee without sugar, the piercings are not in the first drawer and half he doesn't have the ugly clothes he wears.  


Wake up and have nothing left.

_Nothing._ _No single thing will remain._

Night falls, and with her the cry. If nothing remains, I think I still fall nights with me crying them whole, because honestly, I can't stand being me anymore; and I keep having other sex partners a fuck that don't fill my presence, and I stay alone in bed every night, and the sheets stay cold, and

**I'll probably still smoke every night**  
**and miss him every time.**

**Author's Note:**

> ¹- its bojack horseman, in the last season.


End file.
